That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
