isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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