i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
