Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
