Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
someone owes me an orgasm
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
