Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I supernannyed him into submission
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
