You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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