I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
