I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize