i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
