I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
