Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize