If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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