My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
