So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
