I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
