Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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