So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize