On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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