he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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