Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
