he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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