I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
