This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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