2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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