What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dicks are not precious.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize