margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize