u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
