fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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