His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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