drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just had sex on a roof
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
