I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
