I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
