hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
