operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
