and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
