hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
