i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
where are you?
Hypothermia
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
