we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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