You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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