I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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