what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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