4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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