what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize