our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
