You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
