who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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