Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize