i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
