I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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