Your dad touched me again.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
