Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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