i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i think i just lost a toe
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
