This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think people are normalizing furries
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
