Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize