Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
