Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
