Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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