can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
