She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
