You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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