You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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