8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
