i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
