just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I could make wine with my vomit
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
