It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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