I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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